50 songs in 50 weeks

Today is April Fool’s day. It is also my half birthday, which makes me 45.5 years old precisely.

It’s no revelation that I’m currently struggling with depression caused by abject loneliness on the one hand and monumental feelings of underachieving, made worse by a baffling inability to finish creative projects on the other. I’m aware that unless I somehow get myself out of this, my future is not going to look any different.

A thought occurred to me not long ago: I would perform 50 original songs in 50 weeks and upload them onto YouTube – one song each week – and my half birthday would be the ideal date to launch this venture.

For the following 50 weeks, I would get all those half finished songs written, rehearsed, performed and uploaded, along with my already existing songs (some written many years ago and many never played publicly). This would help me push out of the darkness and give me a creative goal each week to work towards.

Why 50 songs? I don’t know. Maybe I should do 45.5 songs to reflect my age, but then that would leave one unfinished! Or, perhaps a song a week for a year? I suppose 50 felt to me like a good, solid number.

It would be easy right now to push this idea aside. April 1st is here and I find myself nine days into a particularly nasty virus, complete with nasal congestion and a silly cough, which has rendered me feeling like hell and unable to actually get a half decent note out of my mouth. And I’m right in the middle of a massive DIY project, having bought a kitchen off eBay (for a bargain £205) and ripped out my existing one. And I find myself thinking if I don’t succeed at this, then it will be another failure. But if I don’t push myself, then my music will continue to be something I am not having a decent crack at. Hmm. What to do?

Some might say that an artist should never work to deadlines, that creativity should not be scheduled or enforced and that we should all just leave it to the Muse. But, I have had inspiration and not always followed it through with enough perspiration. So, I’m making myself accountable and committing to greater effort.

As for the songs, some may turn out to be good and some might be hilariously bad – we shall see – but perhaps one or two might resonate, touch, move, entertain or bring a smile to others along the way. If nothing else, I’ll end up with 50 YouTube performances of 50 original, finished songs and every week I shall witness my own little victory over ‘not finishing’.

So, should I do this? Yeah, go on then.

The rules? Each week starts on a Monday and that week’s song must be up on YouTube by the Sunday of that week. Simple.

50 original songs in 50 weeks. Watch out world, this is not an April Fool’s joke.

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